Sighing loudly, and often

This isn't going to be a cheerful post.  Let's start with a warning.  I am going to complain about how much dating sucks and how much I hate being on pain killers but am so grateful to have them and then generally bitch and moan over the purposelessness of my life.

I broke up with my boyfriend, and although it wasn't necessarily a long relationship, it had been intense and for the last few days now I feel pinned down in the mire by an anchor of sadness.  Although I feel good about us breaking up, I still feel like shit, you know?

But even before than I felt a bit miserable because the pain killers make it soI can't write worth a damn.  I feel like anything I write is questionable and I can't stay at it very long.  Anytime anyone asks me what I do or if I work, I feel like a piece of garbage.

I'm down on myself because I haven't been able to play with my dogs when the weather has been really bad.  Like tonight.  I came home in time to make sure they'd get some time in outside playing Frisbee.  The wind that kept us inside earlier in the day had made way for pelting rain that made Libby not even want to go outside.  Yeah, and how is the weather my fault?  How do bad weather conditions, which constantly occur in the Magic Valley, make me a bad person?  I don't know, this is where my brain is right now.

But what really has me down is that the University of Utah Pain Clinic informed me (days and days after I'd called them) that my records had been shredded and if I wanted to be a patient there, I'd have to have my doctor resubmit everything and then have one of their doctors review it again.

What?  I just keep crying about that part.  It took months, but they finally had all my paperwork and a doctor had reviewed it and I had done their orientation and all I was supposed to have to do was get this stupid pump removed and then I would be ready.  Now how many more months?

Remember when I've written that I don't think I can take anymore? I'm back to being very close to that point again.  Wow.  My reserves run out quickly these days.