It's been an hour since I've been up. The pain, so pervasive and vile, will not let up. And in these moments I cannot think beyond the thought that I will never, ever feel anything but this, this pain of this moment. It is in these moments I take a Klonopin and wait for the firm grasp of my psyche to return. I know on an intellectual level that in a few hours I'll feel better, go to my aunt's birthday party, eat cake. But tears and restless limbs, angry for the peripheral pain they feel justifiably like they don't deserve, all there is: the pain of this moment, always, forever.
Oh, crap. I'm going to puke, but I can't puke up the pills I just took. Ending now.
I really hope you didn't puke. I'm sorry you have such an "off hour" in the mornings. I know how you don't like them!
ReplyDeletePain is a scary thing. It's hard to let your mind take control when you're body is hurting so much. I do hope it get's better soon for you!
This may be TMI, but I choked it down. I was NOT going to lose those pain killers! :) I am doing way better now.
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