S.A.D. and sad

In my last post I didn't mention the other part of my depression issue... mostly because I thought, oh, well maybe it's not really something I have to deal with.  Classic Brook denial.  But here's the deal: it is very dark and grey here this winter.  It's infinitely better than Eugene's constant downpour of rain. But in both instances, it would seem S.A.D. or, seasonal affective disorder, a mood disorder that messes with your brain so that it doesn't produce enough serotonin (the happy, soothing chemical) might have worsened the depression.  You are more likely to be one of the 36 million Americans who suffer from this condition if you already suffer from a mood disorder (such as bipolar or depression).

Yesterday I decided I'd go out and get the special daylight, full-spectrum lightbulbs recommended for S.A.D.  But I had to take care of a few other things first.  This was the start to my sad day.

And to be honest, it wasn't that bad at the beginning and mostly my fault for the "ouch" factor since this was when I finally found the title to my car and went to the county to get the title in my name and my plates ordered (I'd already registered the car and had temporary plates that had expired a month ago).  Let's just say it will be a tight month because I forgot that NOW they would access the taxes on the car I purchased before Christmas.  Yeah, "ouch".  But as far as license plates go... "Go Broncos!"

I had called the University of Utah clinic earlier and when I was in the Walmart parking lot about to get those special light bulbs and some food (as far as edible things in my fridge I was down to condiments and beer, oh, and cranberry juice since I now drink that everyday, refer to posts on miserable UTIs), a nurse called me back.

The nurse I spoke with told me that the doc who'd been reviewing my case won't do anything until I have my pump out.  I said, this is great, it's what I want.  But wait, there's a catch!  He won't do it.  You have to go back to the surgeon who put it in to have it removed.  I cried, I explained how it was messed up, I explained the trust issues, but apparently surgeons don't like touching each other's work when it comes to those stupid pain pumps.

I sat in the Walmart parking lot and cried.  But then I had to decide, cry in the parking lot or buy light bulbs and groceries.  I chose the latter.  And then I called Dr. L and left a message with the appointment desk.

But when I got home started bring the groceries in the house and took the dogs out.  In one of those out of nowhere moments, I stepped in a hole in my yard, twisted my ankle, and as I fell, heard a loud popping noise.  It was so monstrously painful, I thought I'd be lying in my yard with the dogs licking in my face for eternity.  After some time I did a kind a crawl back inside my house.  I climbed into my covers of my bed and cried.

I realized I needed an icepack for the bruising and swelling ankle and help from my safety net.  After talking to best friend sibling and mom, I could stop crying and feel better.  I was able to get a pre-surgey kind of appointment with Dr. L for April 15 at 9AM and my mom is coming with me.

Then I realized.  My black notebook.  THE NOTEBOOK.  The book I record my every thought from book notes to grocery lists.  The book that contained at that moment every important card of my life as well as cash, as missing.  My sorry, gimpy search turned up nothing.  I called Walmart.  Long story short, a wonderful employee went the extra mile for me, search cart outside, found my notebook, read my contact info inside (including reward: your soul), and saved it for me.

Since I didn't want to go to the ER last night, my gram took me to my doc today and there are no fractures, just a bad sprain.  I am so, so relieved! I will have an ankle splint and crutches (the splint for about six weeks).   Tomorrow my brother is coming over to help me with everything I need help with now.

My ankle is still kind of swollen and it still really hurts.

But Monday night I heard some super, awesome, wonderful, great news and if you want to hear it and see a picture, I suggest you head over to my bestie's blog:

http://barkers.blogspot.com/