1st Annual Family Shootout (also happens to be my 300th post)

Yesterday was our family's first shootout.  It was held here out at our house and included shooting clays, long bows, and paint ball.  My brother and dad created the course and my mom, gram, and I worked on the food, prizes, and scorecards for the event.  My extended family came and divided up into teams and went through the course.  We lit a fire in the fire pit so people could roast hot dogs for chili dogs.  On top of that my mom, gram, and I made pumpkin-chocolate chip cookies, caramel apples, and mulled apple cider.

It rained off and on up until the event started and then we had the most beautiful weather.  Family arrived, got their mugs of coffee and cider and headed out.  I had a great time.  I've posted some pictures from our shootout.

To be able to help out with everything, I took a half dosage of my pain killer all day.  It was great at first because I had clarity and felt awake and was able to not only help, but do so without being dizzy or nauseas or headachy.  But by the end of the day I was miserable.  I wasn't able to go to the haunted maze with everyone else and I was sad.  But then I watched a great upset game of number one ranked Oklahoma by number 11 ranked Missouri and felt better -a game that will only benefit my alma mater.

Today I'm suffering for it, like I always do.  For some reason I really hoped I'd be immune this time.  But at least it was worth it.  It was such a good time - it was totally worth it.  And having candy apples left over doesn't hurt either!

  

And it's morning

Mornings I dread.  Just a little bit.  I dread them because when I wake up I have not had any pain medication in something like 12 hours (having taken my last dose around 6 or 7) and I am in a lot of pain.  Also, I've typically been waking up periodically for the past few hours due to pain.

But after the first few moments of sleepiness wear off, I'm alert, awake, focused.  I'm more alert and awake and focused than I will be all day.  It's really wonderful to have my brain back, just for that half an hour or so.  But then the withdrawals and the pain gets to me and the realization that I've got to venture out into the cold and take care of the dogs and cats gets to me and the thought of playing Frisbee gets to me and I eat something and down the hatch it goes.

This morning I am a little more miserable than usual.  Most mornings I can push through, go about a little routine, get my swimming done, and take a nap in the afternoon.  But not today.

This is my hope: get an appointment at the University of Utah clinic and have them prescribe me Fentanyl patches.  I hope they are still used in some cases.  Although the patches tore up my skin, they delivered continual medication and had limited side effects for me.  Then I'd like them to remove my stupid pain pump, remove the excessive scar tissue and maybe I'll stop having so many migraines.  Then I'll try some new therapies.  These are my hopes.  I cling to them, even as I lie down so I don't puke up this pain pill.

Medication mayhem

A couple of weeks ago I had an appointment with my GP and decided that since the Norco wasn't really helping anymore, but causing nasty side effects, I'd trade up to a new medication.  I was extremely wary.  First of all, it's Percocet, a drug infamous for being a junkie's drug.  Second, it's a kind of oxycodone and I really hate those medicines.  But still, I hadn't tried Percocet yet, I had started being able to do more and more in life, and I wanted to continue that trend.

The first day was rough.  The next day was fine.  After that I went into withdrawals because I'm taking less of the new medication than I was of the old.  About a week later when that mellowed out I realized two things (1) this is remarkably good pain control, and (2) I feel like shit all the time.

I am wiped out, completely exhausted.  I am nauseas and dizzy.  My bowels are a mess.  I am freezing all the time and I can feel when my breathing gets really shallow.  I lack any concentration at all.  And there is this odd, drugged feeling that is accompanied by this aching hollowness that's hard to describe.  My body and my limbs feel as if they weigh a million pounds.  I still swim and I really do try to help out around the house.  But these days I feel empty.  I've got nothing.

But this not being in pain is just so, so nice.  I'm not sure if I can go back to being in pain to trade back for a better (?) quality of life.  All I know is that I am wrecked and a mess but I love not being in so much pain all the time.

Family and pumpkin cheesecake

Tonight my mom and I went over to my aunt's house to eat cheesecake our cousin made.  Aunts and cousins, all female, were there. It turns out she made two kinds of muffins (one of them was this spiced pumpkin with a layer of cream cheese kind that was incredible), pumpkin cheesecake, and caramel pecan sauce to go over the cheesecake.  Amazing.

You'd think that would be a good enough reason to like spending time with my family - the desserts.  But it's actually more than that.  The months I've spent living here have been filled with so many different family gatherings, some large and some small.  I've loved just hanging out with my immediate family everyday but  also Saturday morning coffee at Gram's and impromptu get-togethers and this summer there was a wedding and there have been barbecues and in a couple of weeks we are having a shoot out.

And yes, there is some great food planned for the shoot out in a couple of weeks.  But again, that's just one things I love about my family.

PS The picture above is of some of my family watching the soccer game during the 4th of July Barbecue.

Swimmingly (Part Deaux)

This started out as me telling my mom about my new little treat I get when I'm done swimming.  This week I've adjusted my schedule a bit and now when I am just getting out of the pool there a man getting in, a very serious swimmer type, with really lovely and incredible abs.  Seriously, I have no idea what this man looks like.  Only his abs.

Then the thought went to... wow, I'd really like abs like that (only on a girl).  Do you think you can get those from swimming?  My mom said when she swam she was always sore in places that one would think would eventually give you those kind of abs.  And I mean, look at Michael Phelps.  (Oh, and I was going to put a picture of him so you'd know what I mean, but I was too embarrassed, so you'll have to just use your imagination.)

Then I said, you know, I haven't been sore.  I mean, sometimes when I wake up I'm a little sore, but it goes away pretty quickly.  My mom kept talking about being sore from swimming.  After awhile it dawned on me.  I take a lot of pain killers - a decent dose every four hours.  Of course I'm not sore!  We had a chuckle over this and she said I get to exercise with impunity!

I am and it's great!

As of yesterday I am back on all but one of my medications.  It is an incredible blessing, a gift.  Haven't heard anything from the University of Utah clinic.  However, I can't help but feel like I am on the right track.

Swimmingly

Two weeks ago I signed up for a membership at what used to be the "Racquetball Club" and what is now called "Impact Athletic".  I can't believe what it costs for a membership.  But it's the only game in town since it's the only facility with an indoor pool open year round.

But I think it's worth it.  Swimming makes me feel so good - tired, but good.  My muscles don't get achy and tight.  I sleep like the dead.  It's amazing what swimming does for me.  And I've noticed you improve so quickly!  When I started out I could barely swim laps for 20 minutes, and that's with plenty of gasping for air at the edge of the pool between laps.  Now I go for about 35 minutes and swim steadily the whole time.  When I am done I feel exhausted and the next day I am always sore if I push myself, but I just can't express how wonderful it feels.

This is an amazing thing I get to do!  Sometimes I forget I am doing things toward my ultimate goal of getting better.  When I remember (like now), it makes me smile.