My home, sweet home

I know I've used this picture before and I really ought to put in a new one that updates the house and yard and all the hard work my mom put into the yard this summer.  For example, there are hydrangeas now!

But I needed the picture because this post has a specific point to make.

There is something I keep forgetting.  My goal: get better, feel better.  It dawned on me when I was soaking in the bathtub that moving to a new place now would hinder progress of that goal.  Sure, I could use my paycheck and get moved to my own place, but I don't have money for a car yet.  I'd be sort of stuck in that place with less help than I'm receiving now.

This week I am starting my gym membership so I can swim regularly.  I think it will really help my poor, aching hamstrings that have just been tormenting me of late.  But if I move, I can't do that because I wouldn't have a car and I couldn't afford a new gym membership AND a security deposit on a place.  And then what of doctor appointments and medications and signing up for a prescription plan?  Doubtful, with such tight finances.

So I will stay put a little while longer.

What seems to be driving my need to hurry up and move is my concern for my dogs.  As outside dogs they've been experiencing a different life these past six months.  I think they are generally happy, taking walks and jumping in the drain ditch and exploring the beet field and playing Frisbee.  But I am worried about them when it gets colder.

Then it occurred to me.  I can improve their home.  I can buy a new dog run, add a more cozy house with waterproof pillows that might stay cleaner than their current pillows.  And when it gets a bit colder, I can buy heated dog beds.  I can make them nice and comfy.

It plays on my anxiety that I keep trying to put some twisted reality of my dogs' interest ahead of my own.  I need to get on top of that.  Well, that and so many other issues.  I have a counseling appointment the first week of October.  I think I've found a counselor who will meet my needs.  I had a conversation with her about her credentials, philosophy, and approach to her practice.  It's looking good.  And I wouldn't be able to afford her if I move out this month.

Nor would I be able to afford a new swimsuit that I desperately need or some new cool weather clothes that I need since losing a bunch of weight this summer.  I'm not going to throw out numbers, but let's just say that all my clothes sort of hang on me and I want to look better so I can feel better.

So I'm going to stick around a bit longer.  And try to keep an eye on my number one goal - honor it and remember it.