Useful and productive = higher dosage

Today was a good day.  I awoke at six in the morning and decided on principle that I wasn't getting up that early.  I played Frisbee with the dogs, watched "The Daily Show" while I ate breakfast, did some gardening, including harvesting the mound of peppermint in the picture, cooked a great dinner of potatoes (from the garden) and peas with baking powder bread sticks, made a batch of peppermint ice tea for the fridge, and ended the day watching two of my new favorite shows "White Collar" and "Covert Affairs".

So a good day.  A really good day.

But here is my ongoing challenge.  The more I do, the more pain I am in, and the more drugs I have to take to get this back to manageable again.  I really wanted taking pain medication to mean I'd get to do whatever I wanted and have a much lower pain level.  That's not what it means at all.  Instead, it means that if I do small things and not do every single thing I want to do, I can stay in a more reasonable amount of pain.

I can't help but recall a post I made awhile ago.  My conclusion was basically that it doesn't matter how much you want something, try for it, give everything you have to it, etc. Working really hard and wanting very dearly doesn't mean you get what you want.

One on hand, this is depressing as hell.  On the other hand, it's good for that acceptance part of grief, part of what the "Serenity Prayer" is all about - accepting the things you can't change.

So today I will be glad and fall asleep happy thinking over all the many things I got to do today.  Tomorrow I will do considerably less, and be grateful.