Sing a sad, sad song

"Oh, I went to the Doctor

I said, Doctor, please

What do you do when your true love leaves?

He said, the hardest thing in the world to do

is to find somebody believes in you."

"Sad, Sad Song" by M. Ward

This is actually not really a sad song, it's quite up beat and fun.  But I thought it was apropos the dream from which I just awoke.  I had taken an Imitrex for an impending migraine and passed out.  Then I awoke from this sad, sad dream.

In my dream I was devastated by the idea that I was alone.  I was never really alone, alone - like last woman on the planet alone - there were family and friends everywhere.  But I was devastated that I wasn't in a relationship.  In one scene my siblings and their spouses and my parents were all cuddling with their respective mates on couches watching some sappy movie.

I went crazy, going down a list of past husband/boyfriends in an effort to fine someone to be with.  All the while the inner voice of reason I recognized more as myself kept trying to get me to stop.  At one point I was on the phone with someone or other and I said to myself, "Really?  You'd really rather be with this person than be alone?  Really?"  My other self recognized it and hung up the phone.

And I woke up so very sad.  I was sad for this woman in my dream who didn't want to be alone and especially since there was no way to reason with her.  She would not listen to the "10 year plan" or the "6 month plan".  Nor would she listen to the voice of reason that pointed out a number of inconsistencies:

(a) When on earth would my dad and brothers watch a sappy movie?  When would I unless I was watching it with my mom?

(b) There is no chance of me ever getting to watch a movie without cuddling anyway because to get Sully off me when I'm sitting on the couch requires brute force with all my limbs and even then Libby would just take her place. I mean really, give it up, there will always be a dog of rather large size on my lap.

But there was no reasoning with the sad woman.  I suppose I must recognize she is in there somewhere, despite what I like to believe about myself.  But no worries - I have no intention of breaking out the proverbial black book and searching for a mediocre or worse kind of relationship.  I really prefer the status quo where I work on myself and healing and getting better.  And I'm looking forward to living alone with those stink hound couch cuddlers.