I've read some of my journals. A recurring theme is how hard I am on myself. Really, really mean actually. So I am attempting to pledge to be nicer and take it easy on myself in the future. (Yes, I phrased that very deliberately.) I hope I can apply this lesson to the onset of migraines and just take the damn Imitrex already.
The last few days I've been writing. Really writing - not forced, stilted sentences and paragraphs. I'm talking fingers flying across the keyboard trying to keep up with my thoughts writing.
I'm considering dealing with the chronic jackassery of former doctors by requesting medical records. It's funny. Offices are so much more willing to send records to other doctors than to the patient. Oh, well. HIPAA is on my side.
Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I listen to my song, "Bird Gerhl" and pictures myself dancing to it on a wide open stage, a kind of contemporary style that incorporates some sort of ballet. I can't do any of those things, nor could I prior to the crash. I'm not a dancer; I'm not graceful. But in a kind of celebration of my newfound wholeness, I dance.
The above picture is my favorite painting, a Degas work entitled "The Star". The inner me.
These are my random thoughts at 2AM. Be glad you are asleep.
