One last thing

This afternoon/evening was a cousin's wedding.  It was lovely.  I actually put product in my hair, wore makeup, and shaved my legs.  Impressive, if I do say so myself.  I wore a skirt I found in a box in my storage unit (yes, pink).  And I wore shoes with a one inch heel.  That was a treat.

I sat and stood for too long.  I came home and sat on an icepack and now, coming in from an abbreviated walk with my dogs, I am in quite a bit of pain - enough for an off-schedule pain killer.

But here is the thing about the whole affair.  Weddings aren't great for people just coming off a divorce.  I felt sad and cynical and lonely.  I was amid family and had a great time with them (especially looking through In Style with my SIL).  But I felt loss and regret.  Listening to the couple make their vows, I remembered when I did it and how I was so scared I have no idea what I actually vowed to do.  But I remembered exchanging the rings and the first married kiss and all of that.  I also remember breaking my toe that night on the roof of our hotel and that was really, really painful.

I am reminded of Cocorosie lyrics:

Life is like a rollercoaster

It does flips and throws you over

Board your ship that’s going nowhere

If you stop, you’ll end up somewhere