So yes, it is 3:30 in the morning. I awoke an hour and a half ago. I was in such a deep sleep but now I am in even deeper awake. I attribute this to a number of factors, two of which I will share.
First, I am in this state of heightened anxiety about my doctor appointment in five and a half hours. Will I get some relief at last? What will that look like? I don't have Part D of Medicare yet, so I can't afford just any drug. I know what I want, of course I do, but what will happen? Questions pester my mind and I finally crushed a Klonipin between my teeth in hopes of my mind returning its state of natural calm.
Second, I am on fire writing this project, called The House. It is my biggest risk-taking venture to date and as such has been unusually hard to write. But now it seems to pour from my brain through my fingers and onto the screen. I can't get enough, I can't shut it off, and I don't want to. Perhaps being a writer means responding to the Muses at 3:30AM. Perhaps it means a lot of things. But I am about 22,000 words in and am getting to the introduction of the AI/sociological hive mind concept. Infinitely exciting.
But I do need to sleep. I am however reminded of the line from the Alice Walker essay, "Beauty When the Other Dancer is the Self":
"Poem after poem comes--which is perhaps how poets pray."
In my case it is prose.
I was thinking of you all morning. I hope the doctor's appointment went well!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so jealous of your creative streak! I miss is but am so glad you're getting one. I can't wait to read "The House" whenever you're ready to share!
Thanks for your thoughts. I would have called if I wasn't passed out! I am worried about writing now I am back on pain killers and am making a note of where the pain killer writing begins. You are my veteran editor, so I'm glad to hear you are willings, as always, to read it!
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