Unlullabye

In the country there isn't the light pollution of even small cities and you can see the infinity of stars from your bedroom window.  I'm trying to get to sleep because I've had a wicked migraine all stinking day and I've taken a lot of Imitrex.  I'm tired.  But if I try to sleep before I'm completely exhausted I tend to spend the last few moments of awake thinking deep, philosophical thoughts on Life.  That typically ends poorly.

One should not contemplate deep, philosophical thoughts on Life when in any stage of tiredness.  For example, I have a general rule of thinking only superficially in the morning until I've adjusted to awake and am less inclined to depress myself before coffee.  Then again, I'm not a morning person.

I am simultaneously grateful for the last few years of hardship and am in complete confusion as to how my life could have led me here.  Disbelief really.  I don't remember what it's like to not feel pain all the time.   And I know I've said this before, but I really, really miss being married.  It was fun.  I always had someone to make sarcastic comments toward the TV with, someone to talk to in bed in the wee hours.  There was someone to discuss the dogs with like they were children.  Sometimes the hole left behind seems like a gaping chasm.

But that's mostly at night, when I'm trying to fall asleep.  My unlullabye.