So I foolishly told myself a few hours ago, "You can tough this one out, you're goingto sleep anyway." My migraine is so bad it keeps waking me up. I finally took something. I think my eyeball might explode out of its socket. I am so sure of this I don't think I will freak out if it happens. And even though light is the last thing I need right now, I have to write about what keeps running through my mind. This is my free therapy, after all.
Today I saw pictures of Boise and I had a very visceral response. I wanted to be there; I wanted to go home. But unfortunately it is not in the cards. If I am to progress in my life, I need to go to school. I want to become a paramedic in the next two years! Not just to ward off poverty while working on becoming a doctor, but because I really want to do it. And I can't do that there. Boise State won't give me financial aid because I already have a master's degree. Thus, no progress.
My mom has pointed out that Idaho State University in Pocatello is expanding their medical programs. If they would give me financial aid, that might be an option. Maybe the College of Southern Idaho in Twin Falls.
But really what makes the most sense is staying in Eugene. I am guaranteed financial aid, I've already checked out the paramedic program, and there are doctors here that could help me. They have a great public transportation system and I have no car. Hell, I have food stamps here. But I just don't want to be here.
I'm inevitably and always a planner. Unless I am at least thinking about a plan for the future, I find myself going nuts. I'm worried I am so mired in the past that I can't plan for the future. But the thing is I don't like my options. Now what?
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