I think I can go to sleep now. I've been going to sleep at about 7AM everyday. The manic-ness is keeping me awake (there's still a drug I need and haven't gotten). I can try over and over again to fall asleep at night and it doesn't matter; my brain is on overload, going a million miles an hour on about every subject.
Eugene smells so wonderful in the morning. I've never smelled anything like this place. And the water is incredible, by the way.
Right now I am smelling the fragrance of my cocoa butter body butter from the Body Shop - ever since I got really poor I've been rationing what I have left. But that's not the only reason why I only put it on when my skin is red and cracking. This scent reminds me of my husband. He gave me some for a particularly great Christmas in 2006. I had a nightly ritual of using it and the aroma takes me back to those days. It's hard.
It's hard because I have this beautiful future mapped out. With all that hope finally kicking in again I've made some plans. My claim is going to go through. I'm manifesting this. Then I will get better. I'll start the EMT program and then the next year the paramedic program. I'll work and take the classes I need to get into medical school, while practicing medicine through my job. Also key, I won't be impovrished for the next decade.
It's a great future and I wish I was sharing it with him. With my medical issues not taking it's daily pound of flesh maybe we'd have a real chance at making a marriage.
I'm finally exhausted enough to sleep, I think. I should probably just go to bed.
It's funny that you go to sleep just as I'm waking up! Maybe I'll wake up a few minutes early and try to call you since I can't stay up at all! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're claim is going to go through! (Positive thinking on my end too!)
Good Night!