My true confessions

I still have my Christmas tree up.

That is a first in a series of things I would like to declare about my current state of being. Here's a bit more:

-I quit. I give up. Screw this. I'm done.

-I'm not going to do a damn thing.

-I am going to stay in bed all the time and watch Hulu and play on Facebook. If you have any recommendations for shows to watch on Hulu, I'd be grateful if you'd let me know.

-I am going to stay up all night and sleep all day. I'm a combination of manic and depressed and so this is what I'm going to have to do, otherwise I won't sleep at all.

-If I can't microwave a meal in three minutes or less, I won't make it.

-I'm going to continue my self destructive behaviors, including isolating myself from others, as much as I want.

-I'm going to do the bare minimum of school work to get by and attend class only when I absolutely have to.

-I'm going to leave the house rarely - mostly to take the dogs out. And speaking of dogs, I'm going to allow them to continue their nasty habit of drinking out of the toilet.

-I'm not even going to try to write anymore. I just don't have it in me.

-I'm giving up on all the things I could do if I could just access the hard drive of my dead and beloved computer.

There's probably more, but I think you get the picture. You see anything I try to do ends up in me being in lots of pain and the neurontin isn't donig squat to help and I am so, so, so f-ing tired of the pain. This has been nearly four years of the shit and I am done.

Beating my head against the wall for all the things I want to do but can't and trying to do things that put in a predictably high amount of pain is counterproductive. I'm just done.

For now.

I'm taking a break from trying. I don't anticipate this lasting too long. But just in case I'm still lying in bed with my icepacks and my Hulu in, oh, let's say three months, please feel free to drive to Eugene and kick my ass.

That is all.