The horizon

Well, I got a denial from the Oregon Health program. But they did say they were passing on my info to the seniors and disabled program. Maybe that will pan out?

But did I mention that the job I applied for comes with health benefits? It is a temporary (9 month), part-time position that comes with freaking health benefits!

I’ve been having a rough time of it lately. I am out of all my medications and was prescribed a stop-gap solution from the LCC health center. My body is all out of whack and a complete mess. But I’m trying to remember to take it a day at a time.

So today I am baking three different kinds of cookies for a Halloween party tomorrow. I’ve decided to go as a doctor. I have a lab coat and a stethoscope and everything! It kind of makes me hopeful for the days when I’ll wear that for real.

And it makes me think that days like the ones I’ve had lately aren’t the only days on the horizon.

Off balance

I fell again tonight. I was taking Sully out for “last call” and she wanted to go faster than I was going and the grass was wet, and down I went. I lost the leash and my breath. I was so worried. It was dark and she’s a black dog. But I called her and she came back to me, good girl.

And I thought, is this going to be the one? Is the fall that will take me back to that dark place of being barely able to move, isolated and alone?

I’m stronger now. And sheer will has carried me through some pretty serious falls in the past. But it got me thinking. My life, this life that I’ve created for myself, is teetering on a precarious balance. I lose my balance all the time. But what if there is the one time that I can’t get back up?

Maybe that’s true for all of us. There is the balance, and sometimes the worry, will I get up after this fall?

Health clinic

Yesterday I went to the student health clinic at LCC. It was a good appointment in that I got everything addressed. I have plantar fasciitis on my left foot.

But although we covered everything, it was not magic. One really important thing, however, I was introduced to a website that I want to introduce you to:

needymeds.com

I have to fill out applications for each company that makes each of my medications, then return to the clinic for an appointment with a specialist at turning them in to the various pharmaceutical companies. Most will supply 1-3 months at a time of free medication, then I will have to re-apply. They don’t make it easy, but it is possible to get your medications if you can’t afford them, or so I’m told.

In other news, I found a job to apply for! It is a research assistant position, federally funded and part-time with health benefits! How cool, eh? I am also over-qualified. I’m excited to be turning in an application.

Today I’ve been sleeping. I’ve been sick for over a week and the exhaustion has finally set in. I can barely wake myself up to get up and go back to bed. Some siblings might remember the game “wake up, it’s time to go to bed” with varying levels of fondness.

Another game they might like: wake up it’s time to go to bed. I think I’ll play that next.

Another quick update

I’ve officially applied for an Oregon medical card. The application was online and so that was cool. But it said it would take about 45 days to get a decision.

In the meantime, I’ve got to try the student health center for the medication I need not related to chronic pain. But enrollment at Lane is up 25% this semester and getting in has not been easy! I was put on a call back list and then was never called back. I guess I better get a bit more proactive here. But I’m sick and I feel yucky.

I’m interested in a part time job. I wonder if I could find one in my field, or relatively in my field. I’ve started looking a little bit. I’ve heard that for even the most menial of jobs there are sometimes like a hundred applicants. That’s what the job market is like here in Eugene.

With all of it, and as usual, wish me luck!

De-nied!

I got word that my benefits have been denied.

Now it’s time to get to work applying for every program I can. And maybe it will help my existing social security disability claim.

Here’s the good news: with government healthcare (i.e. Oregon medical card) there is no “preexisting condition” issue.

Up late just thinking...

Lately I’ve been getting pretty excited about my life. And that in itself is exciting. I have new friends, am exploring new places, am going to a new college, have new classes… I’ve been very independent.

Like tonight for instance. I was tromping around my old neighborhood just to go and see people, on a whim. Hung out with my old roommate for a bit. Petted some good dogs.

But as I lay in bed just now, in so much pain, I thought about my day a little harder. I rode the bus several times. I walked for probably a good hour today. I did yoga. These things add up. I don’t want to acknowledge it, but they do. And I like my new philosophy of “so be it”. But then there are the nights… and the pain.

So maybe you are thinking, well stop doing it. Or maybe you are thinking, you always do things to an extreme, find a middle ground. Well look, it’s easier said than done.

Downward dog

The other day I was doing my physical therapy (yes, I’ve started it again, but just by myself since I can’t afford a physical therapist) and I thought, “Huh, I wonder if I could do a downward dog?” Just so happened that I could.

You see, I’ve missed yoga terribly. I’ve been doing yoga in some form since high school when all I had was an article copied out of some magazine.

Since I’m getting financial aid (someday?) from Lane CC, they’ve given me a $500 credit line at the book store. Well, it took about all that to actually buy my books, but with the little bit left over I bought another thing in the store – a nice, new yoga mat. I’d lost mine somewhere in all the moving this summer.

Today I had a nice yoga practice when I came home from school. It wasn’t pretty, but it felt good to do it. It felt mentally good to do it and my muscles feel challenged.

My new philosophy on pain: I’m going to be in pain if I do nothing, I’m going to be in pain if I do what I love. I pick the later.