Melancholia

I feel morose, melancholy. I committed myself to some kind of honesty with this blog and so here goes. Deep breath here.

Three days now of pretty bad pain. It puts me in a very depressed place. I feel like I’ll never crawl out. I feel helpless.

I’ve actually talked about this with someone I barely know (sister’s boyfriend’s mom) in front of someone I barely know (roommate) and feel very vulnerable. I hate talking about this. I do my best to hide it.

Today my dog ran out and chased a car and I couldn’t do anything about it. Helpless. Useless.

Everyone went to Doggy Heaven dog park but me. Left out. Lonely. Pointless.

So I sit here listening to music that makes me cry, trying not to cry. How self-defeating is that? I should put on my favorite Clash record and rock out but I’d rather be sad.

Oh, and I got f@#$%&* frostbite again. Yup, just going to sit here and wallow for awhile.

PS Click on the title of this posting for a link to Thomas Paul’s recent release House on Fire, and then listen to track 10, “A Footnote to History”.