The wall

Once I read that chronic pain is like running a marathon every day. Of course you know that, I posted it over 70 posts ago.

These days the marathons are pretty painful. The swooning, nauseous, seeing tracers, fight to even move sometimes painful.

But what I write about now is how miserably damn frustrated I am with everything.

I wasn’t this frustrated in Boise. I was comfortable and things were easy. But I have lived more in four days here than I did there in four weeks at any given point.

My husband loves it here so much. He already has friends and contacts and opportunities. He is in a constant state of glee that radiates from his pores. I am so happy for him – he hasn’t been this happy in ages.

I am just frustrated. Why? Let’s pretend you asked.

1) I can’t do half the things I want and when I try, the horrible pain consequence described above descends upon me. Even when I push and push and push, my body will physically stop me at one point or another and I am at a wall I can’t push beyond. And I am so angry!

2) There are so many challenges to overcome that are not physical. Let’s talk intimacy. I am so not used to sharing my house with strangers. One roommate is never here, and when is, occupies the basement and another is around a lot. Then the other two are my sister and her sweetie and I wish we were just living with them because that would be way more comfortable. It would be ideal.

And people here are really nice, but they are all up in your business all of the time, asking personal questions and wanting to be your best friend. Leave a poor introvert alone and talk about the freaking weather already!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Runners all know about “the wall”. I guess I’ve hit mine. But we all know to focus, breathe deeply, and practice good self-talk and we’ll get past dreaded wall eventually.