The Red Flag of Bullshit

It has all gone to shit. No other way to put it. I was red-flagged and hence, un-scheduled. Here’s the back story:

Last September I refused to keep seeing a provider at the St. Alphonsus Pain Clinic. There were three very good reasons, which I explained to their office manager at the time.

1) She had refused to refill two medications to me that another doctor in the clinic I had been seeing concurrently had been prescribing me (since August 2006-ish) and refused to talk to him about it, and stood in the way of him prescribing them to me, so I puked and itched for two and a half weeks, until I finally convinced them to read my freaking chart.

2) She lied to me and put a medication in my pump and increased it when I expressly said no.

3) She was bad at her job in that when she re-filled my pump with medication, I had to be stabbed in the stomach over and over. When another provider did it, I didn’t even notice it happening, that’s how I learned how bad at her job she was. Bruised stomach from endless needles v. instant contact with pump and not even noticing the needle prick. Hmmmm…

So I had this conversation with the office manager. At the time it was amicable. My other doctor at the clinic had referred me to another doctor outside the clinic for a procedure he couldn’t do, and then I went to another doctor who would turn the pump off (since my infamous pump provider at the clinic refused).

My understanding was that we were on good terms.

Then in December I tried to make an appointment with my old doc at the clinic. I was told I was “discharged” and he wouldn’t see me. I was confused, but didn’t follow up. There was some serious crap going on in my life and I dropped the ball.

But in never occurred to me that it would affect me seeing an entirely different provider in the same, but expanded, clinic for an entirely different procedure. So I’ve been red-flagged and they dropped my appointment.

Now my neurologist and his staff is making calls over to the clinic to the doctors and the office manager, I’ve been making calls to the office manager (I’ll make several a day until he returns them), and it’s all up in the air until this is sorted out.

Yesterday was one long anxiety attack for awhile. It felt like my heart was going to explode; it really hurts when you freak out like that. And the breathing. You have to keep breathing, but not too much because you’ll hyperventilate. Crying is okay, but again, hyperventilation is an issue. Finally, a Klonopin, a long bath, and a call from the nurse saying basically, “It’s not over yet” and I was calm again.

This is my life! Stop messing it up! I don’t need a red flag!