Catch-22

Catch-22. In this novel by Joseph Heller, in order to get out of flying a mission in WWII one had to prove insanity, but if one proved insanity it proved you were sane enough to get out of the mission and therefore had to fly the mission. He wrote:

“All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. [One] would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.”

This is my life, only not the fighter pilot part, and part of my ongoing dilemma regarding whether or not to try to get back on pain medication.

See, I can’t sleep regularly because of pain. Because of that, I get migraines regularly. When one gets regular migraines, regular and scheduled sleep is a must for avoiding them. But I can’t avoid them, because I wake up at all hours and can’t sleep because of pain.

And I can’t get rid of the pain and I can’t even use my ice packs the way I used to because of the damn frostbite (shallow frostbite, don’t worry).

This post is a bitch-fest, and I didn’t mean for that to happen. But it’s 3AM and I have a stabbing through my right eye migraine and a pain especially down my right leg back problem and am sleepy and grumpy.

The good news is tomorrow for my chemistry mid-term my brain will be unclouded my drugs and I will remember what I’ve studied. I’m just trying to decide if it’s worth it.