The first time it happened I was terrified. I thought maybe I was having one of those really bad reactions to a medication… or worse. At the time I was in a significant amount of pain. I could feel my heart start to race, and it felt as if my own heartbeat was bruising me from the inside out. My pulse was as fast as when I ran my first 5K.
Then it became a fairly standard occurrence. Whenever my pain ratcheted up the pain scale, my heart would reaction as adrenalin kicked my body into fight or flight mode. But as so many of you know, there is no flight. There is only fight. I practice deep breathing techniques learned in yoga. I listen to soothing music on my iPod.
But sometimes I just listen to and feel the crashing of my heart in my chest and the deep pain accompanying it. A heartbeat means you’re alive after all.
I didn't realize this was something that happened to you. I can only imagine how scary it was the first few times.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I can compare it to would be how I feel in labor, (pre-epidural of course.) I like that you listen to soothing music to help you cope, I had a play list of completly hard rock, that pounded so hard you couldn't think that helped me get through.
And even then I'm sure my pain didn't compare to yours.