People suffering with chronic pain, in whatever shape or form it comes, learn to make choices, tradeoffs. Each comes with its own special brand of guilt and that “kicking myself” feeling, among others, worst of all regret, but sometimes relief. Here are a few of some classic tradeoff decisions:
1) Do I enjoy myself now at the expense of doing something for a loved one later?
2) Do I do something for a loved one now at the expense of pain later?
3) Is the pain to reward ratio worthwhile?
4) How far in advance does the ripple effect go when I can or can’t do something/when I do or don’t do something?
5) How long will I be paying for this? And will it be worth it, still?
I plan my days under the rubric of these questions. If I have 5 tasks to complete, I know I can usually only tackle 1 or 2 a day and still be able to walk at the end of the day, so I plan accordingly. For a person with a schedule that looks like not much is going on, I assure you, if I have 5 things to do, my week is booked!
It reminds me of some Spoon lyrics:
“….And that's the way we get by
Way we get by
And that’s the way we get by
Way we get by…”
I think you do a wonderful job of managing. I am always impressed by what you do get done!
ReplyDeleteBut I think your 5 questions are very applicable, and not only to you. I think life is full of sacrifice of self and what we want for others, and yet to take care of ourselves first is always the most important, because if we don't who will? And who knows what "we" need as well as what we do.
And guilt....I guess that just comes from our upbringing :o) I just wish it would go away sometimes!
blah! That was a long comment, I hope it made sense!